I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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