I want to make a zoo with you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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