that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
