be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
