kristin has been a bad kristin
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
