Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize