i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
