i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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