had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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