I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
