last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
