What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i barfeds in our rink
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
