I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
