Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
