He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
