ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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