There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
