what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
