I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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