he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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