but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
