I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
