As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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