You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
