I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
