He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it's like heaven, but drunker
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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