i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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