I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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