found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
