Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
