When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Send help, water and tortillas.
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"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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