Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
