her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
