I'm lost and stupid without you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
