It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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