So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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