I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize