Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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