i permit you to call me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
