he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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