Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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