I'm gonna have a badass scar
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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