I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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