I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
