So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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