I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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