I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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