Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
