Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
