How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
