I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
