2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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