He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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