im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
