One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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