I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
