You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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