at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
