My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
