im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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