That's when you crack a 10am beer
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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