'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
