I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
