this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
