Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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