some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
