i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
