i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
