Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
