how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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